Tears for the Sea
by Jan Faust
Jan - at home

"The sea breathes life into me, it is from whence I came." is my hallmark .

This morning when I awoke, there were drops of salt water on my eyes. I was dreaming of the ocean. I long for the sea with its tidal rhythms and the unmeasured reverberation of the waves on the shore. It's hard to believe that only five days ago I was surrounded by the sea and have returned to this place I speak of as home.

I was by the ocean with friends. From a small craft we hired to take us out to the reefs we plunged into the sea, to be engulfed. "Serene" describes what it is like for me to be immersed in the liquid that breathes life into me, and yet I can not sojourn there without support.

I am emotionally affected by the sounds, smells and sights of the sea. It is more than peaceful. I feel like I belong in and under the ocean. It is like being in the womb of my mother again, hearing nothing but bubbles in the place of the maternal heartbeat. Although I spent time amid the exquisite minutiae that inhabit the ocean I felt blue after this particular dive, I did not linger by the sea to just relish its existence. I was called back to this place I speak of as home, not able to enjoy the ebb and flow of the tide or the caress of my toes by the grains of sand.

Living in this landlocked state is painful, maybe that's why it is always so difficult on my return. And then, I'm afraid I will never be able to get back to the place I love, the sea. I wonder.....which is really home?


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